Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My balls are so social today.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
