I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The Olympian is in my bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
