Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
