This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
