your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
