Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
