my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
