you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
