yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
