I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
