I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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