look no pants
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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