You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
