A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I understand Curling. That high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
