So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just gargled with NyQuil
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
