i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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