Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
