Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
