Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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