We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
