i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
