Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
