i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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