So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
