His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
