So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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