I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
