So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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