how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This toilet bowl is my home.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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