And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
