in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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