just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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