um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
