glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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