My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
