My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
