also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
