once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
