the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
