Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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