im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
its liver damage thursday
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
