I look better un-naked...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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