If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
