if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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