Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
