i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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