I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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