i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
