OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
