I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
