I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
