Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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