I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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