non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
