someone get that fucking seahorse.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
