Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
