Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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