I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
