Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
