ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
