And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize