I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
