please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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