I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
