I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
