How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
