how can u be prego again
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
