So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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