Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
