giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
