I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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