I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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