Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
