first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
