HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You smell like stripper and shame
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
