hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
