FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
