Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
