dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
