highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
