My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
