never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
