he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
