If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Green mimosas i think yes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'd cum for enchiladas.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
